winter break

my final grades have been posted and i did worse than i thought i would. my gpa went down a little and i'm nervous for the classes i chose for next semester.


i'm on winter break now and it's kinda lonely so far. my boyfriend has left for prague yesterday, although i got to see him a lot more for the beginning of the break than i normally do, it still is upsetting that the break between semesters that i've been waiting for, he is going to be away for most of it. i'm glad i got to spend christmas with him and his family, and i'm glad i got to see my family as well, at least, the ones that matter.

i'm making my plans for the year of 2011, and i'm excited and disappointed; excited because i'm more inspired to achieve my goals, but also disappointed because i can never reach my goals, and probably won't this year either. my two goals are to lose weight before my next doctors appointment, and also to save money by my birthday so i can go on a trip with my boyfriend. we don't know where we're going to go yet, but i feel like if i can't save enough money, we won't be able to go. i live paycheck to paycheck, and barely, while i'm at it. i get some help from my grandma when i need it, but it's frustrating that i can't make enough to actually live, and i can't find a new job. i've been searching for a new job for a year now and it's really bothering me how i can barely even get an interview anywhere.
losing weight has been tough as well, and having a head start, i did lose some weight, but every now and then i gain the weight back.hopefully i'll be able to reach these goals this year, and not fail miserably like the last.

these are just things that are on my mind, and in order to get them out of my head, putting them somewhere is very helpful.

i'm planning out a stop motion video as well, hopefully that will turn out alright, whenever i finish i'll post it on here, and as well as youtube.

merry christmas, and happy new year.

christmas is coming

the school semester has been on and off for me. i've realized now, that since i'm not busy anymore, no one wants to hang out. so i've spent most of it alone. with a few exceptions of course. i barely go out. it used to be that i'd be busy all day, everyday, and all of my friends wanted to hang out but were sad that i couldn't. now it's, "oh, i can't, maybe another time". each time someone says anything, there's always a "i miss you though!" afterwards. though, i feel as if they don't really miss me. i tell people i miss them when i really do miss them.
i haven't seen most of my friends for a while...yeah, here and there i see people. but mostly it's just at my job. i make plans, there's always some reason why they can't. but i've grown to accept this. i find ways to spend my time. it's driving me crazy, but i'm getting by. if i didn't have work, or a boyfriend, i'm sure i'd have lost it already.
next semester i'm going to try to make friends, and keep them. not just empty friends. i know so many people, of all ages, of all groups of friends. but all they are, are random "hi jaime" 's. with the occasional smalll talk. alot of people come up to me to say hi. reminds me that i should work on my introducing people to other people. hehh.
i have a handful of people that call me their best friend, unfortunately, i do not give the same care and respect. i do this to myself, i isolate myself from those that really care about me. not only friends, but family as well. ex boyfriends i had done this to. i'm trying to change my ways though. unfortunately, some of those friends aren't around for me to try to fix things with.

this post isn't about christmas, but rather what i'm thinking about right now. but not everything is bad, i'm still in school, passing! not on probation anymore i hope. working to get money, have my own car, a part of a program for me to afford my medicine. i have an amazing boyfriend.

now all i need is to know what i'm going to do with my life. ha.

the holidays are here

my last final is tomorrow. math, should be easy. i should study.
thanksgiving came and went, was simple.
christmas is next week. need to buy more gifts.
doesn't feel like christmas. i've lost the spirit.
new year's will come...i'll be sleeping.
don't wake me up please.
cello lesson today...when is it? i know when it is.
i wanna try out for the youtube orchestra.
but i really don't think i'm good enough.
so i won't even try to see. blah.
hmmm. what to talk about...

planning on moving out.
will be exciting and new.
i need a new camera. so i can take nice pictures.
and post them on here.
i don't know what else to say.