ok, so, yesterday (wednesday) i had gone somewhere. and it was with my friend molly. we went to get our books, but i had somehow hit my head on my car. and it hurt like hell..unfortunately, i still have this pain. every now and then the pain feels like i jsut hit my head. ugh, it's horrible.
anyways, today was kind of lame. it started out extremely boring, and it was long and horrible. i argued a bit, but i'm always arguing haha. i cleaned out my car, which is exciting because it was a hot mess...horrible horrible mess. and i kind of cleaned my room? kinda? haha. dinner was kinda gross, some sweet and sour chicken, so now i'm super hungry.
being stuck at home with nothing to do is kind of a major drag, i wish i had something to do today. but now i've just been playing Half Life for about an hour, just getting to the office area..i hate that area. i saw rob play it once or a couple of times and it creeped me out so bad. as does all of the game, but this part is the worst haha. i will save the rest of this part for another time...(maybe i can bring my laptop to his house and try to get him to do it for me hehe). also i've been playing alot, and i mean ALOT, of Sims 3. it's ridiculous. i already had one woman and she was doing great, then i got a new computer and had to start over. now i have a couple and i'm trying to get them to have a baby. haha...i only play on my spare time, when i'm so bored and don't want to download a different game. i kind of wish i still had Spore, because sometimes if i don't want to play Sims, i want to play that. but, i don't have the cd for it. and i spend too much time designing creatures. haha...i played all the way to the space time a few times, but i really only like designing them.
project runway just finished as well, that's a good thing about thursdays. i may not ever have anyting to do on them, but there's always that show. i'm not as into it as i used to, but it's nice to watch. even if i don't watch all of it (which i don't). haha. i just keep it in the background and try to keep up with what's going on. i don't have a favorite designer though, i think they're all silly this season.
tomorrow is friday, and i'm not sure how i feel about it right now. i have to go to a lunch with my family for my brothers 18th birthday. i'm not sure how that'll go, and i think it'll be nice, maybe kind of awkward too. just because my family is really awkward. then i have work, ugh but the time is 6-11. this bothers me alot. i'm getting less and less hours. but whatever, things will work out eventually. i'll find a better job or get more hours at Wendys.
no matter how friday turns out, i can't wait for saturday. i always look forward to saturdays and hanging out with rob. =]
well i'm out,
<3jaime
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
winter break is ending
this is the last week i have for winter break. well, technically, school starts friday, although i luckily don't have classes until tuesday. i know it's already the middle of the week, but it feels like it's just the beginning. this week is just full of so much, and all of a sudden there's nothing to do. i will need to find things to do.
work has been...er....stressful. only a little bit though. it's its usual wendy's life. but i've just been getting so few hours, it's starting to annoy me and, well, stress me out. it's an alright job (eventhough i say otherwise alot), but it would be better if i were working my normal 35ish hours a week...not a measly 12. and to think they wanted me to be shift supervisor, or at least were thinking about it. how am i to do that if i don't get any hours? i've been thinking about finding a new job, i think it's time.
i can't wait for school to start. i don't like sitting in classrooms, i don't like having to deal with people i'd rather not, but i just want to busy myself with something. i never do anything besides work and see my boyfriend, rob. it's nice, but both are never frequent enough. school will keep me busy and make me want vacation again.
this semester i will be taking more classes than last. 2 times more to be exact. last semester i took only 2 classes, it was easier for me, i was on financial aid probation...a term meaning, i was failing and my gpa was horrible. heh, but with these 2 classes i managed to bring my gpa up and i'm no longer worried about not getting help paying for college. i'm also excited for the classes i will be taking, which are: college math, anthropology (online), biology 1 and it's lab, and also psychology. these are all classes i've wanted to take (minus the math). i'm striving to get to human anatomy, i know i should've started taking science classes about 3 semesters ago, but i guess you can say i'm taking a slower pace. i don't mind taking a so called slower pace because i have yet to know what i want to do with my life. i'm comfortable with it, but apparently, no one else is. maybe i can change that over time.
right now i'm blogging, it's been a while, and it's always been a while. but now i have a computer of my own that won't malfunction everytime i try to do this, so i will be keeping up with it. who knows, maybe someone might find it interesting at some point or another...i am also working on getting my camera fixed, so i will also have pictures to place in here so it won't just be endless typing and boring layouts. no worries, i will get on that next...
next as in, as soon as i can...you see...right now i have some chicken to attend to. stuffed chicken cutlets with hasselback potatoes..yumm....
until next time.
<3jaimee
work has been...er....stressful. only a little bit though. it's its usual wendy's life. but i've just been getting so few hours, it's starting to annoy me and, well, stress me out. it's an alright job (eventhough i say otherwise alot), but it would be better if i were working my normal 35ish hours a week...not a measly 12. and to think they wanted me to be shift supervisor, or at least were thinking about it. how am i to do that if i don't get any hours? i've been thinking about finding a new job, i think it's time.
i can't wait for school to start. i don't like sitting in classrooms, i don't like having to deal with people i'd rather not, but i just want to busy myself with something. i never do anything besides work and see my boyfriend, rob. it's nice, but both are never frequent enough. school will keep me busy and make me want vacation again.
this semester i will be taking more classes than last. 2 times more to be exact. last semester i took only 2 classes, it was easier for me, i was on financial aid probation...a term meaning, i was failing and my gpa was horrible. heh, but with these 2 classes i managed to bring my gpa up and i'm no longer worried about not getting help paying for college. i'm also excited for the classes i will be taking, which are: college math, anthropology (online), biology 1 and it's lab, and also psychology. these are all classes i've wanted to take (minus the math). i'm striving to get to human anatomy, i know i should've started taking science classes about 3 semesters ago, but i guess you can say i'm taking a slower pace. i don't mind taking a so called slower pace because i have yet to know what i want to do with my life. i'm comfortable with it, but apparently, no one else is. maybe i can change that over time.
right now i'm blogging, it's been a while, and it's always been a while. but now i have a computer of my own that won't malfunction everytime i try to do this, so i will be keeping up with it. who knows, maybe someone might find it interesting at some point or another...i am also working on getting my camera fixed, so i will also have pictures to place in here so it won't just be endless typing and boring layouts. no worries, i will get on that next...
next as in, as soon as i can...you see...right now i have some chicken to attend to. stuffed chicken cutlets with hasselback potatoes..yumm....
until next time.
<3jaimee
Monday, December 7, 2009
somewhat overwhelmed
i feel like everything is depending on me. i'm the one in the family that has to take care of things, i have to deal with everything, i have to worry. i've never mentioned this to anyone, but i feel like it's just taking over my life and that i need to put it somewhere.
although i know i'm not, i feel like i am responsible for every horrible thing that goes on with my family. they mean everything to me, no matter what. all the ups and downs, i love them so much. it hurts me so much thinking that they are unhappy about anything. i worry about my mom alot, (jeez, this stuff is reallyyyyy making me cry right now) and how the situation she is going through is affecting her. i don't want her to turn out like all the other people who go through unemployment. depressed, sometimes suicidal. all i reallyyyy want fro christmas is for her to get a job and be happy, and be able to feel like she's on top of hte world. i want my brother to be happy and sucessful as well. i feel like they really deserve it, because we've all been through alot.
sometimes, i just wish i could go back to earlier times. when my brother and i were younger and were just so happy. and we were all just so happy.i would give anything for the stress and depression they might feel to just be given to me and lifted from them, so they can be happy all the time. i worry about their well-being so much sometimes...
although i know i'm not, i feel like i am responsible for every horrible thing that goes on with my family. they mean everything to me, no matter what. all the ups and downs, i love them so much. it hurts me so much thinking that they are unhappy about anything. i worry about my mom alot, (jeez, this stuff is reallyyyyy making me cry right now) and how the situation she is going through is affecting her. i don't want her to turn out like all the other people who go through unemployment. depressed, sometimes suicidal. all i reallyyyy want fro christmas is for her to get a job and be happy, and be able to feel like she's on top of hte world. i want my brother to be happy and sucessful as well. i feel like they really deserve it, because we've all been through alot.
sometimes, i just wish i could go back to earlier times. when my brother and i were younger and were just so happy. and we were all just so happy.i would give anything for the stress and depression they might feel to just be given to me and lifted from them, so they can be happy all the time. i worry about their well-being so much sometimes...
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
christmas is coming
the school semester has been on and off for me. i've realized now, that since i'm not busy anymore, no one wants to hang out. so i've spent most of it alone. with a few exceptions of course. i barely go out. it used to be that i'd be busy all day, everyday, and all of my friends wanted to hang out but were sad that i couldn't. now it's, "oh, i can't, maybe another time". each time someone says anything, there's always a "i miss you though!" afterwards. though, i feel as if they don't really miss me. i tell people i miss them when i really do miss them.
i haven't seen most of my friends for a while...yeah, here and there i see people. but mostly it's just at my job. i make plans, there's always some reason why they can't. but i've grown to accept this. i find ways to spend my time. it's driving me crazy, but i'm getting by. if i didn't have work, or a boyfriend, i'm sure i'd have lost it already.
next semester i'm going to try to make friends, and keep them. not just empty friends. i know so many people, of all ages, of all groups of friends. but all they are, are random "hi jaime" 's. with the occasional smalll talk. alot of people come up to me to say hi. reminds me that i should work on my introducing people to other people. hehh.
i have a handful of people that call me their best friend, unfortunately, i do not give the same care and respect. i do this to myself, i isolate myself from those that really care about me. not only friends, but family as well. ex boyfriends i had done this to. i'm trying to change my ways though. unfortunately, some of those friends aren't around for me to try to fix things with.
this post isn't about christmas, but rather what i'm thinking about right now. but not everything is bad, i'm still in school, passing! not on probation anymore i hope. working to get money, have my own car, a part of a program for me to afford my medicine. i have an amazing boyfriend.
now all i need is to know what i'm going to do with my life. ha.
i haven't seen most of my friends for a while...yeah, here and there i see people. but mostly it's just at my job. i make plans, there's always some reason why they can't. but i've grown to accept this. i find ways to spend my time. it's driving me crazy, but i'm getting by. if i didn't have work, or a boyfriend, i'm sure i'd have lost it already.
next semester i'm going to try to make friends, and keep them. not just empty friends. i know so many people, of all ages, of all groups of friends. but all they are, are random "hi jaime" 's. with the occasional smalll talk. alot of people come up to me to say hi. reminds me that i should work on my introducing people to other people. hehh.
i have a handful of people that call me their best friend, unfortunately, i do not give the same care and respect. i do this to myself, i isolate myself from those that really care about me. not only friends, but family as well. ex boyfriends i had done this to. i'm trying to change my ways though. unfortunately, some of those friends aren't around for me to try to fix things with.
this post isn't about christmas, but rather what i'm thinking about right now. but not everything is bad, i'm still in school, passing! not on probation anymore i hope. working to get money, have my own car, a part of a program for me to afford my medicine. i have an amazing boyfriend.
now all i need is to know what i'm going to do with my life. ha.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
history paper
i should be working on a paper for my history class, lovely western civ 2..but i can't concentrate.
what's been going on with my family and dcf has been taking over my mind. i'm clouded by worrisome thoughts, whether or not the protective orders will be lifted, thinking of how the court see's my brother being at home alone while my mom is in a hotel. my mom shouldn't be in a hotel, and, well, i don't think this whole thing should be going on. the lawyer put it as, "every once in a while you come across a family that's disfunctional, that's what your family is right now...disfunctional"
they way he said it, i thought to myself "he doesn't give a shit about us. he's just saying what he knows to say"
i think that the way dcf and court systems are, they don't know what they're doing.
i recently went to court, and spent a good 3 hours waiting for session to start. there was alot of things i had to go through. one person brought to one room, another person then brought me to a room all the way on the other side, etc. it was annoying, and pointless. the different people i had to talk to didn't know what was going on. they weren't up to date with what i was telling the other people, and there was no contact between all of the people i talked to. there was alot of running around, and no one had any story straight. it was a mess, a huge, jumbled up mess. the lawyer and attourney said that i would have to speak to the judge. the family services people said that i did not, and that they were going to change my protective order. the dcf worker didn't even talk to me, and she only talked to my brother for a few mintues, leaving the conversation while she was in the middle of talking to him. when we actually went to court, i was with my brother getting food upstairs and my grandma had come to say that they were in the room already. when we got there, stomachs empty and annoyed we couldn't eat, we sat down to see my mom and her lawyer were already up talking to the judge. it lasted a whole 3 minutes and it was over. we didn't need to be there..we didn't have to talk.
i think that when it comes to certain things, the court system is a joke. different parts of it don't care what happens with people, they just want to get their job done and over with. i think that dcf needs to change..if they care so much about the children, and what happens to them, they shouldn't brush them off like the did to me and my brother. our situation isn't so major, but dcf didn't take any time to get into it.
it's all just a fucking joke.
what's been going on with my family and dcf has been taking over my mind. i'm clouded by worrisome thoughts, whether or not the protective orders will be lifted, thinking of how the court see's my brother being at home alone while my mom is in a hotel. my mom shouldn't be in a hotel, and, well, i don't think this whole thing should be going on. the lawyer put it as, "every once in a while you come across a family that's disfunctional, that's what your family is right now...disfunctional"
they way he said it, i thought to myself "he doesn't give a shit about us. he's just saying what he knows to say"
i think that the way dcf and court systems are, they don't know what they're doing.
i recently went to court, and spent a good 3 hours waiting for session to start. there was alot of things i had to go through. one person brought to one room, another person then brought me to a room all the way on the other side, etc. it was annoying, and pointless. the different people i had to talk to didn't know what was going on. they weren't up to date with what i was telling the other people, and there was no contact between all of the people i talked to. there was alot of running around, and no one had any story straight. it was a mess, a huge, jumbled up mess. the lawyer and attourney said that i would have to speak to the judge. the family services people said that i did not, and that they were going to change my protective order. the dcf worker didn't even talk to me, and she only talked to my brother for a few mintues, leaving the conversation while she was in the middle of talking to him. when we actually went to court, i was with my brother getting food upstairs and my grandma had come to say that they were in the room already. when we got there, stomachs empty and annoyed we couldn't eat, we sat down to see my mom and her lawyer were already up talking to the judge. it lasted a whole 3 minutes and it was over. we didn't need to be there..we didn't have to talk.
i think that when it comes to certain things, the court system is a joke. different parts of it don't care what happens with people, they just want to get their job done and over with. i think that dcf needs to change..if they care so much about the children, and what happens to them, they shouldn't brush them off like the did to me and my brother. our situation isn't so major, but dcf didn't take any time to get into it.
it's all just a fucking joke.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
been a while
it's been quite a few months. i'd like to start off with, "it's been quite a few fucking stressful months". alot's been going on lately. i've been overly stressed out.
the kind of person i am, i like to hold things inside...not let people know how i'm feeling. especially those closest to me. everyone has their own thing, even writing on this i have to be careful, in case i say something that i wouldn't want a certain someone to read because i'd feel bad.
don't get me wrong here though, this is my escape. i can say whatever i want, can let everything off my chest here. so here's just a few things on my mind about what's been goin on:
i love my family to death, i really do. it's just hard to deal with them when we are the way we are. the things that have been going on this past summer really gets to me. i wish for my brother and my mom to be happy. they both just seem like they're so not happy, i don't know why i see it that way but i do. i especially worry about my mom, i hoope she can straighten out her life and be happy. all in all, i'm just worried.
school has started..already off to a bad start. ok, so i overexagerate...it's been fine. i'm struggling in history, but i feel i'm doing fine. math pisses me off though..i shouldn't be in that math class -_-
i'm 19 now...my birthday came and went.. spent it with my boyfriend..and some friends he invited over...it was fun. although i would've been happy just being with him. which is an example of when i keep things in when it comes to people i really care about...i didn't want him to know i didn't want those people there..i appreciate their company though, and i really appreciate him wanting to give me more. he's really good to me. though my mind and heart keep preparing themselves for disaster...i always think negatively. i'd rather i didn't, but i do. i keep thinking that things won't work out, and that he doesn't want to be with me...i try to keep that stuff out of my head, but it's hard for me. i'm so used to things that make me happy disappearing.
work has been worse than ever. i can't take it anymore. i'm always stressed out, i don't like working there. i like the people, but not working there. i wish i could not be there. but i need the money, i'm trying to find my own place.
there's alot that i keep inside me at all times: depression, worries, jealousy, anger...but i try my hardest to deal with these things in a way that's constructive. i hope i can go on like this...i hope nothing happens to make me lose anything i have.
i'll try to be happy.
the kind of person i am, i like to hold things inside...not let people know how i'm feeling. especially those closest to me. everyone has their own thing, even writing on this i have to be careful, in case i say something that i wouldn't want a certain someone to read because i'd feel bad.
don't get me wrong here though, this is my escape. i can say whatever i want, can let everything off my chest here. so here's just a few things on my mind about what's been goin on:
i love my family to death, i really do. it's just hard to deal with them when we are the way we are. the things that have been going on this past summer really gets to me. i wish for my brother and my mom to be happy. they both just seem like they're so not happy, i don't know why i see it that way but i do. i especially worry about my mom, i hoope she can straighten out her life and be happy. all in all, i'm just worried.
school has started..already off to a bad start. ok, so i overexagerate...it's been fine. i'm struggling in history, but i feel i'm doing fine. math pisses me off though..i shouldn't be in that math class -_-
i'm 19 now...my birthday came and went.. spent it with my boyfriend..and some friends he invited over...it was fun. although i would've been happy just being with him. which is an example of when i keep things in when it comes to people i really care about...i didn't want him to know i didn't want those people there..i appreciate their company though, and i really appreciate him wanting to give me more. he's really good to me. though my mind and heart keep preparing themselves for disaster...i always think negatively. i'd rather i didn't, but i do. i keep thinking that things won't work out, and that he doesn't want to be with me...i try to keep that stuff out of my head, but it's hard for me. i'm so used to things that make me happy disappearing.
work has been worse than ever. i can't take it anymore. i'm always stressed out, i don't like working there. i like the people, but not working there. i wish i could not be there. but i need the money, i'm trying to find my own place.
there's alot that i keep inside me at all times: depression, worries, jealousy, anger...but i try my hardest to deal with these things in a way that's constructive. i hope i can go on like this...i hope nothing happens to make me lose anything i have.
i'll try to be happy.
Friday, July 10, 2009
bands wt 2009
- 3OH!3
- A Day To Remember
- A Skylit Drive
- Aiden
- Alana Grace
- Alexisonfire
- All Time Low
- Another Option
- Anti-Flag
- Attack Attack
- Bad Religion
- Bayside
- Big D and the Kids Table
- Black Tide
- Breathe Carolina
- brokeNCYDE
- Chiodos
- Dance Gavin Dance
- Dear And The Headlights
- Dirty Heads
- Down With Webster
- Dr Madd Vibe Experiment
- Escape The Fate
- Gallows
- Hit The Lights
- I Set My Friends On Fire
- ice nine kills
- In This Moment
- InnerPartySystem
- Ionia
- Jeffree Star
- Jet Lag Gemini
- Kelsey And The Chaos
- KIA Kevin Says Stage
- Less Than Jake
- LIGHTS
- Longway
- Madina Lake
- Meg and Dia
- Mercy Mercedes
- Middle Finger Salute
- Millionaires
- Monty Are I
- NOFX
- P.O.S.
- Pull The Pin
- Saosin
- Scary Kids Scaring Kids
- Senses Fail
- Shad
- Shooter Jennings
- Sing It Loud
- Streetlight Manifesto
- Switchblade Killers
- TAT
- The A.K.A.s
- The Architects
- The Devil Wears Prada
- The Maine
- The White Tie Affair
- There For Tomorrow
- Therefore I Am
- TV/TV
- Underoath
- VersaEmerge
- Walk Off The Earth
- Westbound Train
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