grey tea whilst buring a tea pot

so i feel silly right now, i burned out the water in the tea pot. the bottom had turned black and it was sticking to the burner...my bad....it eventually un-stuck itself and regained it's fire engine red color, so i don't feel as bad. and then my grandma (who owns the pot) said she was thinking of a new pot that makes noise when the water is boiling. i believe that's a lie, but it kind of made me feel better.

now, 120 seconds later, microwaved hot water and my earl grey tea bag combine to cool my nerves a bit. you see, i've been very frustratable lately. yesterday i did absolutely nothing and when i was doing anything, i just ended up getting so angry and upset. i think it's the weather, my boyfriend thinks it could be the weather too. but work with some people at the beginning made me feel a little better.

it was snowing alot yesterday, not as much as they said it would, but it was still quite a bit. i had gone to my boyfriends house a bit before work to spend some time with him and not drive so far to work when it started snowing even worse....that was, a short time with him. i was kind of upset but at the same time i still got to spend half an hour with him eventually, and half an hour is better than nothing i suppose.

when i got to work, they didn't mind that i was a minute or two late, because they were all lounging around in the dining room of the restaurant, waving to me (which felt awfully strange). no customers joined them in the dining room so i thought Wendy's had closed...but alas, it has not. and i had to work, the window! the dreadful drive thru window. blah blah blah. for some reason, people decided to come to Wendys, even during that awful snow. eventually, after being social and feeling better for a bit, everyone had to leave. all of the closers had called out too by the way, so starting at 8 pm, it was the manager and me working the store alone.there were barely any customers and i was so bored, i even gauged my ears bigger. good thing the manager decided to call the Big Boss because he let us close early.  it's hard work closing a store alone you know, but an hour and a half later i only had dishes left, my back was killing me, and i was only a couple minutes away from leaving that horrible place.

the drive back to my grandma's seemed like it took forever. with the horrible conditions out, i was driving extra slow and careful. at some point i had scratched my eye with my sleeve by accident....and even now it still hurts and is blurry. i'm sure it'll pass eventually though...i hope.

now here's today, thursday. i really do hate thursdays. they are my busiest day of the week now that i'm in school...math at 10, then bio, then bio lab, then psych...all of those classes bring my day from 10am to 930pm.the first few weeks i hadn't eaten anything all day on thursdays, so i think today i will try to conjure up some change so i can get somehting from the cafe. luckily the food is cheap but really good there haha. also, i'm proud to say that even after i decided to go to math today, there's still no math class, so i get a few hours to myself and my homework before heading to school.

work work work

that's all i used to ever do, work so much every week and everyone would complain about how i'm always working and can't hang out and all this other stuff. well, now i'm down to less than half of what i used to work, and no one's around. it always happens like that. i'm making barely enough money, and no one is available now.
i really need a new job, it's making me so angry and upset that i'm getting such few hours every week. i've been looking, but i guess i'll have to try even harder.

mega headache

ok, so, yesterday (wednesday) i had gone somewhere. and it was with my friend molly. we went to get our books, but i had somehow hit my head on my car. and it hurt like hell..unfortunately, i still have this pain. every now and then the pain feels like i jsut hit my head. ugh, it's horrible.

anyways, today was kind of lame. it started out extremely boring, and it was long and horrible. i argued a bit, but i'm always arguing haha. i cleaned out my car, which is exciting because it was a hot mess...horrible horrible mess. and i kind of cleaned my room? kinda? haha. dinner was kinda gross, some sweet and sour chicken, so now i'm super hungry.

being stuck at home with nothing to do is kind of a major drag, i wish i had something to do today. but now i've just been playing Half Life for about an hour, just getting to the office area..i hate that area. i saw rob play it once or a couple of times and it creeped me out so bad. as does all of the game, but this part is the worst haha. i will save the rest of this part for another time...(maybe i can bring my laptop to his house and try to get him to do it for me hehe). also i've been playing alot, and i mean ALOT, of Sims 3. it's ridiculous. i already had one woman and she was doing great, then i got a new computer and had to start over. now i have a couple and i'm trying to get them to have a baby. haha...i only play on my spare time, when i'm so bored and don't want to download a different game. i kind of wish i still had Spore, because sometimes if i don't want to play Sims, i want to play that. but, i don't have the cd for it. and i spend too much time designing creatures. haha...i played all the way to the space time a few times, but i really only like designing them.

project runway just finished as well, that's a good thing about thursdays. i may not ever have anyting to do on them, but there's always that show. i'm not as into it as i used to, but it's nice to watch. even if i don't watch all of it (which i don't). haha. i just keep it in the background and try to keep up with what's going on. i don't have a favorite designer though, i think they're all silly this season.

tomorrow is friday, and i'm not sure how i feel about it right now. i have to go to a lunch with my family for my brothers 18th birthday. i'm not sure how that'll go, and i think it'll be nice, maybe kind of awkward too. just because my family is really awkward. then i have work, ugh but the time is 6-11. this bothers me alot. i'm getting less and less hours. but whatever, things will work out eventually. i'll find a better job or get more hours at Wendys.

no matter how friday turns out, i can't wait for saturday. i always look forward to saturdays and hanging out with rob. =]

well i'm out,
<3jaime

winter break is ending

this is the last week i have for winter break. well, technically, school starts friday, although i luckily don't have classes until tuesday. i know it's already the middle of the week, but it feels like it's just the beginning. this week is just full of so much, and all of a sudden there's nothing to do. i will need to find things to do.

work has been...er....stressful. only a little bit though. it's its usual wendy's life. but i've just been getting so few hours, it's starting to annoy me and, well, stress me out. it's an alright job (eventhough i say otherwise alot), but it would be better if i were working my normal 35ish hours a week...not a measly 12. and to think they wanted me to be shift supervisor, or at least were thinking about it. how am i to do that if i don't get any hours? i've been thinking about finding a new job, i think it's time.

i can't wait for school to start. i don't like sitting in classrooms, i don't like having to deal with people i'd rather not, but i just want to busy myself with something. i never do anything besides work and see my boyfriend, rob. it's nice, but both are never frequent enough. school will keep me busy and make me want vacation again.

this semester i will be taking more classes than last. 2 times more to be exact. last semester i took only 2 classes, it was easier for me, i was on financial aid probation...a term meaning, i was failing and my gpa was horrible. heh, but with these 2 classes i managed to bring my gpa up and i'm no longer worried about not getting help paying for college. i'm also excited for the classes i will be taking, which are: college math, anthropology (online), biology 1 and it's lab, and also psychology. these are all classes i've wanted to take (minus the math). i'm striving to get to human anatomy, i know i should've started taking science classes about 3 semesters ago, but i guess you can say i'm taking a slower pace. i don't mind taking a so called slower pace because i have yet to know what i want to do with my life. i'm comfortable with it, but apparently, no one else is. maybe i can change that over time.

right now i'm blogging, it's been a while, and it's always been a while. but now i have a computer of my own that won't malfunction everytime i try to do this, so i will be keeping up with it. who knows, maybe someone might find it interesting at some point or another...i am also working on getting my camera fixed, so i will also have pictures to place in here so it won't just be endless typing and boring layouts. no worries, i will get on that next...

next as in, as soon as i can...you see...right now i have some chicken to attend to. stuffed chicken cutlets with hasselback potatoes..yumm....

until next time.
<3jaimee

somewhat overwhelmed

i feel like everything is depending on me. i'm the one in the family that has to take care of things, i have to deal with everything, i have to worry. i've never mentioned this to anyone, but i feel like it's just taking over my life and that i need to put it somewhere.

although i know i'm not, i feel like i am responsible for every horrible thing that goes on with my family. they mean everything to me, no matter what. all the ups and downs, i love them so much. it hurts me so much thinking that they are unhappy about anything. i worry about my mom alot, (jeez, this stuff is reallyyyyy making me cry right now) and how the situation she is going through is affecting her. i don't want her to turn out like all the other people who go through unemployment. depressed, sometimes suicidal. all i reallyyyy want fro christmas is for her to get a job and be happy, and be able to feel like she's on top of hte world. i want my brother to be happy and sucessful as well. i feel like they really deserve it, because we've all been through alot.


sometimes, i just wish i could go back to earlier times. when my brother and i were younger and were just so happy. and we were all just so happy.i would give anything for the stress and depression they might feel to just be given to me and lifted from them, so they can be happy all the time. i worry about their well-being so much sometimes...

christmas is coming

the school semester has been on and off for me. i've realized now, that since i'm not busy anymore, no one wants to hang out. so i've spent most of it alone. with a few exceptions of course. i barely go out. it used to be that i'd be busy all day, everyday, and all of my friends wanted to hang out but were sad that i couldn't. now it's, "oh, i can't, maybe another time". each time someone says anything, there's always a "i miss you though!" afterwards. though, i feel as if they don't really miss me. i tell people i miss them when i really do miss them.
i haven't seen most of my friends for a while...yeah, here and there i see people. but mostly it's just at my job. i make plans, there's always some reason why they can't. but i've grown to accept this. i find ways to spend my time. it's driving me crazy, but i'm getting by. if i didn't have work, or a boyfriend, i'm sure i'd have lost it already.
next semester i'm going to try to make friends, and keep them. not just empty friends. i know so many people, of all ages, of all groups of friends. but all they are, are random "hi jaime" 's. with the occasional smalll talk. alot of people come up to me to say hi. reminds me that i should work on my introducing people to other people. hehh.
i have a handful of people that call me their best friend, unfortunately, i do not give the same care and respect. i do this to myself, i isolate myself from those that really care about me. not only friends, but family as well. ex boyfriends i had done this to. i'm trying to change my ways though. unfortunately, some of those friends aren't around for me to try to fix things with.

this post isn't about christmas, but rather what i'm thinking about right now. but not everything is bad, i'm still in school, passing! not on probation anymore i hope. working to get money, have my own car, a part of a program for me to afford my medicine. i have an amazing boyfriend.

now all i need is to know what i'm going to do with my life. ha.

history paper

i should be working on a paper for my history class, lovely western civ 2..but i can't concentrate.

what's been going on with my family and dcf has been taking over my mind. i'm clouded by worrisome thoughts, whether or not the protective orders will be lifted, thinking of how the court see's my brother being at home alone while my mom is in a hotel. my mom shouldn't be in a hotel, and, well, i don't think this whole thing should be going on. the lawyer put it as, "every once in a while you come across a family that's disfunctional, that's what your family is right now...disfunctional"
they way he said it, i thought to myself "he doesn't give a shit about us. he's just saying what he knows to say"
i think that the way dcf and court systems are, they don't know what they're doing.

i recently went to court, and spent a good 3 hours waiting for session to start. there was alot of things i had to go through. one person brought to one room, another person then brought me to a room all the way on the other side, etc. it was annoying, and pointless. the different people i had to talk to didn't know what was going on. they weren't up to date with what i was telling the other people, and there was no contact between all of the people i talked to. there was alot of running around, and no one had any story straight. it was a mess, a huge, jumbled up mess. the lawyer and attourney said that i would have to speak to the judge. the family services people said that i did not, and that they were going to change my protective order. the dcf worker didn't even talk to me, and she only talked to my brother for a few mintues, leaving the conversation while she was in the middle of talking to him. when we actually went to court, i was with my brother getting food upstairs and my grandma had come to say that they were in the room already. when we got there, stomachs empty and annoyed we couldn't eat, we sat down to see my mom and her lawyer were already up talking to the judge. it lasted a whole 3 minutes and it was over. we didn't need to be there..we didn't have to talk.
i think that when it comes to certain things, the court system is a joke. different parts of it don't care what happens with people, they just want to get their job done and over with. i think that dcf needs to change..if they care so much about the children, and what happens to them, they shouldn't brush them off like the did to me and my brother. our situation isn't so major, but dcf didn't take any time to get into it.

it's all just a fucking joke.