hard times

it's tough to go through something alone. when you can't tell anyone about it, you can't let anyone think something's going on. you feel alone and desolate, like there's no one to talk to about it all.
even when there's people to tell, there's nothing you can say. it has to stay inside. it's a secret made by a promise. a promise that breaks your heart everyday when you think about it over and over and can't stop thinking about it. it's so hard to get the thing out of your head. you don't know what to do.
eventually you feel like you have to tell someone. you break down, fall apart. confused as to what should happen.


...i can't even end this. everything is jumbled in my head.

stories

i've been told that i always have some story to tell. people that i've talked with love the adventures that i share with them, strange incidents that have ocurred in my life. alot of interesting things happen around me all the time. it's like weird things are attracted to me. sometimes people say that what i'm saying can't be true, but they are. i've encountered really awkward things, almost everyday. i find what i tell people kind of boring sometimes, because i'm used to some weird things happening throughout my days. just this morning, on my way to work, i was at a stop light, and this man that was jogging came up next to my car, and looked like he was sitting. he looked at me and waved with a smile, and when the light turned green he jogged on, still crouching like he was sitting. it was kind of silly, but interesting. i laughed to myself.

but no matter what, i love hearing other people's stories. even if they're not extravagant or exciting to anyone else...because i love hearing about other people. i love how excited people seem when they're telling me about their day sometimes, because i love making other people happy. everyone needs someone to listen to them, and i'm that person. i'm always told the strangest things too. for example, someone was telling me about a time they were at the store, shopping and what not. then some strange guy came up and hit him with a cane, out of nowhere. it was random and he had no idea why he was hit by an old man with a cane. it was really funny, and i can picture that happening.

i always go on long drives, to feel better when i'm down, or out of boredom. i always travel all over CT and sometimes find myself lost...when i say sometimes, i mean most times. i love adventure, and exploring new places. the other day i had found myself in Essex, that town is about 50 minutes away from where i live, and it's really beautiful there. i noticed that i was running out of gas, and that the light had been on for quite some time. so i went to a gas station, come to find out, i had left my wallet at home, and was cashless, and i.d.-less...scared and nervous, i didn't know what to do. so i got back into my car and decided in my head that i should try to make it back home (Eventhough there was no chance in hell i'd even make it as far as Middletown). fortunately, a nice couple had saw my frantic face and walked over to talk to me. and i told them what had happened and they gave me some cash for gas and food. i was in shock, because not alot of places have such friendly people. it's amazing how different people are in different places.