winter

winter is beautiful. scenes of simplicity and calm feelings.
too bad it's cold. very, extremely, cold. i'm not so good with the cold.
my car isn't too good with snow anyway...well, the tires.
i'm going to be sick if my routine keeps up:
shovel for a long time, work in the drive through window freezing, driving with bad heat, shovel, work, drive...
it's not a good routine.

i want christmas and new years to come and go really fast.
and for it to be warmerrr.

Snowy Day (a poem by me)

as the snow falls to the ground

i stop to look around

where's all the sound?

people filling up the street

not expecting what their lives will meet

neighbors stand still, silent as a mouse

watching down the road to a neighborhood house

what they see, if cannot be

but a bloodthirsty, fllesh eating, not so friendly zombie

a scream in the distance catches his attention

he runs towards the onlookers with an evil, blank grin on his face

watching him attack one by one, my heart starts to race

they fall then get up, running such a fast pace

what could cause such a disaster?

i run as fast as i can away from my friends

such hatred in their faces, their lives have no ends

crazed canibollism has been unleased

i run for seconds, minutes, hours

my mind, blackness devours

my eyes open and im laying down

surrounds me is my town

circling me, i know they want my flesh

snow covered ground not white, but red

pretty soon i'll be dead...

the holidays are here

my last final is tomorrow. math, should be easy. i should study.
thanksgiving came and went, was simple.
christmas is next week. need to buy more gifts.
doesn't feel like christmas. i've lost the spirit.
new year's will come...i'll be sleeping.
don't wake me up please.
cello lesson today...when is it? i know when it is.
i wanna try out for the youtube orchestra.
but i really don't think i'm good enough.
so i won't even try to see. blah.
hmmm. what to talk about...

planning on moving out.
will be exciting and new.
i need a new camera. so i can take nice pictures.
and post them on here.
i don't know what else to say.

music

what music am i listening to right now?
i'm really bored, on this Wednesday before Thanksgiving. and i just want something to do, besides sitting around watching youtube videoes and playing guitar hero...hahah,,ehh. but yes, on with lyric mashups of songs i've listened to today. (yay no life! =]) i won't put all of the songs..because that's alot of lyrics.


if it snows and school is canceled, do not fret, you can come over to my house, watch Goonies at my house. cause i know you get lonely, well me too. i will see you soon, watching Goonies at my house...if you were dead or still alive. i don't care, i don't care. and all the things you left behind. i don't care, i don't care...i'm such a mystery as anyone can see. there isn't anybody else exactly quite like me. and when it's party time, like 1999. i party by myself because i'm such a special guy...pay my respects to grace and virtue. send my condolences to good. give my regards to soul and romance. they always did the best they could and so long to devotion. you taught me everything i know. wave good bye, wish me well...everyone in this town is seeing somebody else. everybody's tired of someone. our eyes wander for help. prayers that need no answer now. i'm tired of who i am. you were my greatest mistake. i fell in love with your sin. your littlest sing...this is entertainment. lives are entertainment. you are down on your knees. begging me for more...in the night, i hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told. sonewhere far along this road, he lost his sould to a woman so heartless. how could you be so heartless, oh, how could you be so heartless..

lol. i'm done. names of artist in order of lyric appearence:
Sarah Dooley
Apocalyptica
Weezer
The Killers
Anberlin
Innerpartysystem
Kanye West

what a terrible night

i went to bed, having been attacked by unpleasant words spoken through unpleasant mouths. i thought they were my friends, but i guess not. you see how some people really are when you're in need of a shoulder to cry on. so that didn't feel so good, being left with just my knees to cry on, curled up.

i had trouble sleeping too. kept having really bad nightmares, terrifying nightmares. it's like all night was full of them. and i woke up earlier than i wanted to; i haven't been getting much sleep lately, and would like a full good night's sleep.

i promised myself when i first started this 'new beginning' blog that i wouldn't fill it with sad posts, and that i would try to be happier. and i did try to be happier, i was happier. just didn't write about it here. seems i only write in this when i'm sad or lonely.

so i'll leave with the hope that today will be good, even if all i'm doing is going to work. but i hope that cheers me up a bit, because i really need it. i spend so much time wanting other people to be happy, that i block out people that want to make me happy, and i end up losing them. i don't want to lose anyone anymore; well, besides those people i mentioned earlier. they just don't care so whatever.

i'll keep searching for happiness, i'm determined. i'm tired of being so sad all the time.

.wish me luck.

cool

except not. but kind of i guess.
i've been busy with my first semester of college. it started out good, but things went downhill when i got sick. it's just hard to catch up, you know? i was thinking of taking photography throughout my time at tunxis, but it's just so much work.

i'm starting to have an idea of what i want to do with my life. but i am afraid of what other people might think. it's not something that most people would think about doing. i joke around with wanting to be a tour guide in like, Africa or some other place exotic and exciting, when really i have no idea what i'll do with my life. what i've been thinking of doing as a career is pretty...well, macabre would be a word to describe it.

i feel really out of place where i am these days. home, well, people say that "home is where the heart is". i love my family, i just can't handle alot of things we go through sometimes. it gets stressful, for everyone. but we're still there for eachother. school i don't really have new friends. i talk to people, but it's mostly small talk. i'd like to make friends to hang out with, but i'm not sure that will happen.

i feel kind of silly when i say this, but i love youtube. i connect with people there, though i don't make my own videoes. but i talk to some people, and i'd love to meet them one day; hang out and feel in place. youtube live is tonight and i can't wait =]
i want to find people here that like what i like and can connect with me. i think i'd be much happier if i could find that.

i'm 18

and it hasn't been so graet.
so i'm starting all over with blogging.
i've taken over a year off from it.
so i created this one.
my old one :
jayameelovesyou.blogspot.com

i never realized how i had spelled my name wrong in that.
but yeahh...first posts are always silly when you make new blogs after having alot.
mhm.
i'll be back tomorrow morning..well...later this morning.
after a nap.
later.