too bad motivation is hard to find. i tend to lose my motivation, whether it's to lose weight, do good in school, find a job. it's all really hard, but you just have to keep going at it, keep trying. since putting what i want to do in here, i never look at it that much so it doesn't help. i've started to use sticky notes, my grandma does too but i'm not doing it just because she does, i'm doing it because it helps me alot. i put them next to the mirror in my bathroom so i see them every morning and every time i go in there. it's helped out alot. i putting in time to work on my homework instead of not doing it, and i've lost 4 lbs in a week and a half. my goal is to lose 50 in six months, which is about 2-3 every week my mom told me. i think i can do that. i'm also trying to print pictures to help motivate me, especially post secret ones i find about the things that i need motivation for.
right now i'm trying to figure out what classes to take next semester. and this is a first, usually i'd not be doing this until the semester is already over. look at me though, around midterm time, figuring this out. hopefully i can find a job soon so i can stop having a messed up sleep schedule. i'd like to be able to go to sleep earlier than 3 or 4 am, and wake up early and feel rested.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
plaguing the mind
i'm normally the type of person to wall off and sort of bottle things up if there is something bothering me. there are a lot of things that it's just hard to come out and say to the people i want to say them to. i'm just a coward when it comes to things like that i guess, but sometimes aren't we all? i'd like to think that most people feel the way i do about confrontational things.
the most specific thing i have a problem with is talking to my boyfriend about things. i really don't like how some girls are with their boyfriends, even though i might see where they're coming from. but there's some things that just bother me so much, i never want to say anything or show that i'm upset with him, because i feel like whatever is making me upset is really stupid and that it shouldn't even make me upset to begin with. it's the kinds of things i joke about all the time with other people, but at the time, then and there, the person i'm joking about is really me. i don't like that i get angry and/or upset about some stuff, but i try not to. i try all the time to tell myself that it's no big deal, that it'll just blow over, and normally it does, but there are some things that just don't. sometimes i feel trapped in myself, not being able to find the courage to bring things up, but that's just me, i'm a coward. i've been with my boyfriend now for 2 years, and i've loved every second of it, but some things just bug me about our relationship that i really think shouldn't. for instance, we have a designated day to see each other, saturdays. i really hate that i only get to see him at least once a week. most couples see each other every day or every other day. i wish that things were different and that i could see him more, because i miss him every week. but at the same time i know that it's silly of me to be upset about it all the time because we both have non corresponding schedules. i really enjoy the times he can squeeze in coming to my break at work, but that's only 30 minutes, and that's normally the only other time i see him during the week. he's in school all the time and even though we have breaks that kind of correspond, he has homework to do during his breaks. another thing that bothers me a bit with other couples is the jealousy. yes, i tend to get very jealous but at the same time i tell myself that i know that my boyfriend cares for me and would not do anything to hurt me intentionally, which helps me ease the intensity of my "green-eyed monster". but still, i find myself feeling hurt, thinking about things that he mentions or brings up, although i'd really like to not feel that way.
i guess that since it's almost 2 am right now and i am extremely tired i should go to bed. there's just a lot of things on my mind, and it's good to get one thing out of the way. the thoughts i have before going to sleep probably shape the dreams i have, and i'd rather not dream about the things going through my mind. i feel like changing that part of me, that keeps everything inside, because i can talk about everything and anything, but am silent when it comes to speaking how i feel. it's hard to work on things like that, but i guess some progress is better than none, so i should get a move on.
time for sleep.
the most specific thing i have a problem with is talking to my boyfriend about things. i really don't like how some girls are with their boyfriends, even though i might see where they're coming from. but there's some things that just bother me so much, i never want to say anything or show that i'm upset with him, because i feel like whatever is making me upset is really stupid and that it shouldn't even make me upset to begin with. it's the kinds of things i joke about all the time with other people, but at the time, then and there, the person i'm joking about is really me. i don't like that i get angry and/or upset about some stuff, but i try not to. i try all the time to tell myself that it's no big deal, that it'll just blow over, and normally it does, but there are some things that just don't. sometimes i feel trapped in myself, not being able to find the courage to bring things up, but that's just me, i'm a coward. i've been with my boyfriend now for 2 years, and i've loved every second of it, but some things just bug me about our relationship that i really think shouldn't. for instance, we have a designated day to see each other, saturdays. i really hate that i only get to see him at least once a week. most couples see each other every day or every other day. i wish that things were different and that i could see him more, because i miss him every week. but at the same time i know that it's silly of me to be upset about it all the time because we both have non corresponding schedules. i really enjoy the times he can squeeze in coming to my break at work, but that's only 30 minutes, and that's normally the only other time i see him during the week. he's in school all the time and even though we have breaks that kind of correspond, he has homework to do during his breaks. another thing that bothers me a bit with other couples is the jealousy. yes, i tend to get very jealous but at the same time i tell myself that i know that my boyfriend cares for me and would not do anything to hurt me intentionally, which helps me ease the intensity of my "green-eyed monster". but still, i find myself feeling hurt, thinking about things that he mentions or brings up, although i'd really like to not feel that way.
i guess that since it's almost 2 am right now and i am extremely tired i should go to bed. there's just a lot of things on my mind, and it's good to get one thing out of the way. the thoughts i have before going to sleep probably shape the dreams i have, and i'd rather not dream about the things going through my mind. i feel like changing that part of me, that keeps everything inside, because i can talk about everything and anything, but am silent when it comes to speaking how i feel. it's hard to work on things like that, but i guess some progress is better than none, so i should get a move on.
time for sleep.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
jobs and stress finding a new job
it's been a while since i've updated last, but i'm back! i need a place where i can vent and just put my thoughts down so i don't keep thinking about them over and over. it's nice to have a place to keep your thoughts and worries and no carry them with you everywhere.
anyway, i know a lot of people have been looking for jobs lately. i have been as well (with no luck might i add). i've been at my job for about 2 years now. it was fine in the beginning, but i'm starting to get annoyed by how much it has changed, but more importantly, how badly it turned out because of all of the change. now, i work in fast food, and it's not always great, but it's gotten worse lately. no one seems to care anymore, which causes poor customer service and food quality. even the managers seem to be giving up. not entirely, because they do try, but with people they seem to be giving up. i have been getting really aggravated and angry while working to the point that i don't even want to go in anymore ever, even if it costs me the money i need to pay my bills.
recently, i have gotten one of my managers really angry, and over nothing too. it was obvious i was getting frustrated with how poorly the schedule is written and how understaffed we were (and are every tuesday) but he took something i did in a way that i didn't intend. i was making sandwiches and we ran out of wrap for the smaller ones, so i had to resort to another kind of wrap, but i couldn't reach it and i took the metal divider and tossed it onto the grill that is not used. he immediately got angry and told me to calm down, though i was calm, i just wanted to make the sandwiches without searching for wrap under the metal. but what bothered me the most, is that he then went on to give me the silent treatment. how childish and unprofessional is that? he did occasionally ask me to clean something and make a sandwich, but he would not talk to me otherwise, he even refused to say goodbye to me at the end of the shift. i tested my theory of him giving me the silent treatment by going up to him and talking to him myself a couple of times....one time, he responded with a quick "oh" and walked away. but the other times he just kept walking and ignored me. at first i thought it was just that he didn't hear me, but after enough tries, i figured he was just plain old ignoring me.
for about a year now i have been looking for a new job. i've applied to so many different places, i've called them to inquire about if they are hiring, yet no one has hired me yet. it is very discouraging when you try for so long and nothing comes from it. but alas i am still searching and trying. i apply to places about 3 places a week. and i call them a week or two after i hand in my applications, yet still no new job. i go to college, but i want to work around full time because i need to pay for several things every month.
i know a lot of people are looking for jobs now and the search is tough. but hopefully i'll find a new job, and hopefully if you're having trouble job hunting, you'll get one too.
anyway, i know a lot of people have been looking for jobs lately. i have been as well (with no luck might i add). i've been at my job for about 2 years now. it was fine in the beginning, but i'm starting to get annoyed by how much it has changed, but more importantly, how badly it turned out because of all of the change. now, i work in fast food, and it's not always great, but it's gotten worse lately. no one seems to care anymore, which causes poor customer service and food quality. even the managers seem to be giving up. not entirely, because they do try, but with people they seem to be giving up. i have been getting really aggravated and angry while working to the point that i don't even want to go in anymore ever, even if it costs me the money i need to pay my bills.
recently, i have gotten one of my managers really angry, and over nothing too. it was obvious i was getting frustrated with how poorly the schedule is written and how understaffed we were (and are every tuesday) but he took something i did in a way that i didn't intend. i was making sandwiches and we ran out of wrap for the smaller ones, so i had to resort to another kind of wrap, but i couldn't reach it and i took the metal divider and tossed it onto the grill that is not used. he immediately got angry and told me to calm down, though i was calm, i just wanted to make the sandwiches without searching for wrap under the metal. but what bothered me the most, is that he then went on to give me the silent treatment. how childish and unprofessional is that? he did occasionally ask me to clean something and make a sandwich, but he would not talk to me otherwise, he even refused to say goodbye to me at the end of the shift. i tested my theory of him giving me the silent treatment by going up to him and talking to him myself a couple of times....one time, he responded with a quick "oh" and walked away. but the other times he just kept walking and ignored me. at first i thought it was just that he didn't hear me, but after enough tries, i figured he was just plain old ignoring me.
for about a year now i have been looking for a new job. i've applied to so many different places, i've called them to inquire about if they are hiring, yet no one has hired me yet. it is very discouraging when you try for so long and nothing comes from it. but alas i am still searching and trying. i apply to places about 3 places a week. and i call them a week or two after i hand in my applications, yet still no new job. i go to college, but i want to work around full time because i need to pay for several things every month.
i know a lot of people are looking for jobs now and the search is tough. but hopefully i'll find a new job, and hopefully if you're having trouble job hunting, you'll get one too.
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