plaguing the mind

i'm normally the type of person to wall off and sort of bottle things up if there is something bothering me. there are a lot of things that it's just hard to come out and say to the people i want to say them to. i'm just a coward when it comes to things like that i guess, but sometimes aren't we all? i'd like to think that most people feel the way i do about confrontational things.
the most specific thing i have a problem with is talking to my boyfriend about things. i really don't like how some girls are with their boyfriends, even though i might see where they're coming from. but there's some things that just bother me so much, i never want to say anything or show that i'm upset with him, because i feel like whatever is making me upset is really stupid and that it shouldn't even make me upset to begin with. it's the kinds of things i joke about all the time with other people, but at the time, then and there, the person i'm joking about is really me. i don't like that i get angry and/or upset about some stuff, but i try not to. i try all the time to tell myself that it's no big deal, that it'll just blow over, and normally it does, but there are some things that just don't. sometimes i feel trapped in myself, not being able to find the courage to bring things up, but that's just me, i'm a coward. i've been with my boyfriend now for 2 years, and i've loved every second of it, but some things just bug me about our relationship that i really think shouldn't. for instance, we have a designated day to see each other, saturdays. i really hate that i only get to see him at least once a week. most couples see each other every day or every other day. i wish that things were different and that i could see him more, because i miss him every week. but at the same time i know that it's silly of me to be upset about it all the time because we both have non corresponding schedules. i really enjoy the times he can squeeze in coming to my break at work, but that's only 30 minutes, and that's normally the only other time i see him during the week. he's in school all the time and even though we have breaks that kind of correspond, he has homework to do during his breaks. another thing that bothers me a bit with other couples is the jealousy. yes, i tend to get very jealous but at the same time i tell myself that i know that my boyfriend cares for me and would not do anything to hurt me intentionally, which helps me ease the intensity of my "green-eyed monster". but still, i find myself feeling hurt, thinking about things that he mentions or brings up, although i'd really like to not feel that way.

i guess that since it's almost 2 am right now and i am extremely tired i should go to bed. there's just a lot of things on my mind, and it's good to get one thing out of the way. the thoughts i have before going to sleep probably shape the dreams i have, and i'd rather not dream about the things going through my mind. i feel like changing that part of me, that keeps everything inside, because i can talk about everything and anything, but am silent when it comes to speaking how i feel. it's hard to work on things like that, but i guess some progress is better than none, so i should get a move on.

time for sleep.