what a terrible night

i went to bed, having been attacked by unpleasant words spoken through unpleasant mouths. i thought they were my friends, but i guess not. you see how some people really are when you're in need of a shoulder to cry on. so that didn't feel so good, being left with just my knees to cry on, curled up.

i had trouble sleeping too. kept having really bad nightmares, terrifying nightmares. it's like all night was full of them. and i woke up earlier than i wanted to; i haven't been getting much sleep lately, and would like a full good night's sleep.

i promised myself when i first started this 'new beginning' blog that i wouldn't fill it with sad posts, and that i would try to be happier. and i did try to be happier, i was happier. just didn't write about it here. seems i only write in this when i'm sad or lonely.

so i'll leave with the hope that today will be good, even if all i'm doing is going to work. but i hope that cheers me up a bit, because i really need it. i spend so much time wanting other people to be happy, that i block out people that want to make me happy, and i end up losing them. i don't want to lose anyone anymore; well, besides those people i mentioned earlier. they just don't care so whatever.

i'll keep searching for happiness, i'm determined. i'm tired of being so sad all the time.

.wish me luck.