don't look back now

people have always said that history plays a big role in our lives today, and our futures. now, i bring this up because alot of things from my past have been coming back to me. just random memories, some that i'd rather not remember. but without the good or the bad memories i have, i would not be who i am today.


alot of times i wonder why i'm still here, why i'm still living. i don't feel that i need to deal with some of the things i have to, and sometimes i'd rather end it all than keep going. but always, i know that at some point in time, things will get better. now, life's kind of like a pattern...lame stuff here and there, then good stuff, then more lame stuff. and you're probably thinking, "what a suicidal freak, i should call for help". but i'm not suicidal, or anything like that. i'd rather live to see the world change than to do anything like that, so don't assume that about me. sometimes things just seem unbearable, and i won't do anything drastic about how unbearable i think the certain situation may be.


to an extent, i think that some things happen for a reason. not everything, but some things. people come and go from your life and certain memories stick with you. some people inspire you to change or think about things that you normally wouldn't, and you have inspired someone else though you may not know it. sometimes the change happens in the long run, and not right away. sometimes there's no inspiration, but more or less there's emotions that each person you encounter gives you. the multitude of interactions you have everyday may vary, but the person you are now is the result of things you've gone through in your life. we learn more through experiences and feelings, for better or for worse.

when i look back on life, and see all the things i've been through, torment and happiness, i know that who i am today is because of what i've gone through. i know more than i would if i didn't have instances to deal with. my thoughts of life and love change and mold themselves everyday with what i see around me. from day to day, i observe people. it's something i like to do, and i feel like i know more about society than i would if i was only focused on myself. i like to help people out that i see are in need, i always say please and thank you, and i hope to change how someone is by how friendly i can be.

it's a shame that our youth around the world is in general disrespectful. not only in my town, but everywhere i've been, the younger crowd have been rude, annoying, selfish, and just plain mean to themselves and everyone around them. i'd like to help change some people, but they're so stubborn that they choose to not listen and be mean to me. i think that everyone has potential to do great in life and be sucessful, though some people don't seem to want to even try, and that makes me sad and angry, mostly because they don't care enough to try.

unfortunately, bad decisions consume the younger generations of our world.